saving lives, one starfish at a time

That pretty much sums up what Amanda over at starfish has committed her life to doing. One afternoon we got to sit down with her and go through pictures and listen to her stories. She showed us a picture of one of the babies she got from a dying room. (Oh, they don't exist, right?) Then we got to see him as a toddler. A chubby, happy go lucky toddler that a year and half earlier was slated for death. We arrived at Starfish shortly after Sam arrived. When I saw him, I immediately thought, "Wow. Now THAT is what jaundice looks like." Nope. That is what serious liver problems look like. He was yellow as yellow can be and Amanda was told by a Chinese doctor that he needed a liver transplant. (Which basically equates to a death sentence since a liver for a baby is hard to come by.) Amanda merrily went on her way, taking Sam to an Australian doc for a second opinion. This doctor had better news. It wasn't Sam's liver, but the bile duct (is that right??) was partially blocked. This still required a serious surgery, but at least Sam had an option. I remember us all being so excited to hear this, that Sam now had hope. And then today started out with an email telling me that Sam had died. Sigh. I honestly don't know how Amanda does it. Falling in love with baby after baby but inevitably losing some along the way as she does deal with a full spectrum of serious medical issues...I don't know how many she has lost, but I imagine that it doesn't get any easier. Oh, Amanda. Just as I heard in a story of Mother Theresa making sure babies were held and loved before dying, I am so thankful that Sam was in an environment that provided plenty of love for the last month in his earthly life. And now he is on to much bigger and *much* better things.

on a lighter note: Rachel has been working like crazy to get her operation starfish shop open. It isn't completely done as she has more projects to upload, but you can jump on over for a sneak peak. 100% of the money from these items will benefit the starfish house. I am also adding a donate button on my blog. Rachel's goal is to not only raise money for her plane ticket to Xi'an next year ($1000), but to also raise $4000 for Starfish. Go, Rachel, go. You're my hero. Give her a week and it will be stocked with all sorts of goodies.

Paul, the starfish baby with a little gq in him

This is Paul. Not only is he adorable with his naturally occuring faux-hawk, but the only thing that they can find wrong with him is that he is half white. Horrible, isn't it? Apparently, the ladies at the local orphanage didn't want to have much to do with a half-blood of sorts so they concocted a story for Amanda about Paul's blindness. Yet there isn't any sign of vision problems as he is a pretty alert 2 month old who loves making eye contact. He is a little small for his age, but pretty dang healthy compared to the other babies in the starfish isolation room.

There was another baby Amanda got from the orphanage that was "refused" care from the orphanage workers. They claimed that this baby had aids. (and they assumed that this was why he couldn't thrive, even though it probably was because nobody would touch him!) She showed us pictures of him when he came and his skin was hanging off of his bones. The funny (or really not so funny) thing is that the claim that he had aids was not based on any test, but just on word of mouth. Amanda tested him regularly, never receiving abnormal results. When he left the Starfish House, he was a plump and chubby little toddler who had thrived on love.

Coco the sweet

Oh, Coco...you stole my heart. Coco has quite the mysterious background. She came to Starfish a couple weeks before we arrived, right before her 2nd birthday. As I mentioned before, she couldn't sit up when she came. Amanda said that she would fall back immediately after being sat up. By the time we arrived, she was holding her own bottle with both hands. Both of her hands have movement but one isn't on your normal wrist. I'm not sure what the medical term for it is. She also came with some mystery scars and they aren't quite sure what surgeries they came from. I do know that she had a colostomy surgery, which causes her to have horrible diaper rashes. (and I mean horrible...the worst I've seen.)

We are not sure what Coco has been doing in the orphanages for the past two years, but you can't help but think that she spent a majority (or all) of her time laying in bed with little interaction with people. To see her improve so quickly makes this seem like one of the only likely scenarios. While we were at Starfish, she started sitting up better in her high chair and pretty much holding herself up. Although it scared her in the beginning, they started sitting her on the floor for a little bit and we found she could hold herself up there and became quite happy playing on the floor. Before long, she was looking through her books and playing with toys while sitting on the floor! We also started playing with her "other" hand...the one that is basically on a shorter arm and lacking a wrist. (I hope I am not slaughtering her medical conditions here!) It has movement but she wasn't using it. We started playing with her fingers and putting toys in that hand and within a day, she was grabbing toys with it and turning pages of her books with it. Our last experiment was to teach her a new greeting. Coco has this adorable signature greeting that everyone at Starfish knows. It is similar to the sound one says when someone calls their name (huh?) but with more of a mmm to it. Adorable. But we thought we would try a wave. So every time someone would walk into the isolation room, we would go through a big back and forth "hi" session, complete with us waving to her and us waving her arm. A day later, she held her arm up a little longer after someone waved for her. The next day, she wiggled her fingers when her arm was raised. I wouldn't be surprised if she is waving like crazy now. Her learning curve is amazing and I just can't help but wonder where she would be at now if she hadn't spent the last 2 years being neglected. Don't worry, Coco...you have an army that is going to help you catch up. (and love you to bits and pieces all along the way.)

And on that note...it was so encouraging to see the many, many volunteers that come through Starfish. I can't blame them as I can't think of a better way to spend a vacation. But bigger than all of the traveling volunteers were the local Chinese that come volunteer rather regularly. I see their attachment to the babies at Starfish and their concern with the plight of these sweet babies to be a gigantic sign of hope for generations to come. We also got to meet some wonderful volunteers that got to stay much longer than we did and got to see many more miracles than we did. Jealous? Yeah, just a little.

ps: Keep your eyes open. I know of a certain thirteen year old that is working like crazy to open a special etsy shop pretty soon. Shopping with 100% of the proceeds going to Starfish sounds like guilt free shopping to me, don't you think?

China: better late than never

So I wasn't such a faithful blogger in China. This was partially because we were pretty busy and also because China isn't super keen on blogs. I was lucky to have access to a vpn/remote access sort of thing at the Starfish House, but blogger still didn't work 100% of the time using the vpn. Now I am left with the dilemma...do I start where I left off or just summarize the whole expedition?

I guess I will start by giving the rundown of our time at the Starfish House since Rachel and I both have agreed that this was the highlight of our three weeks, hands down. The last 3 months at the Kang house have been full of preparing all sorts of goodies (mainly sheets and pillow cases) for the sweeties of the starfish house. We ended up with almost 100 sheets and a little less than ninety pillowcases. I can't express enough how prepratory this project was, as I saw Rachel go from being giddy about our impending travels to being truly invested in helping the babies at the starfish house. She went from talking about which hotel to stay at to asking if we could just cancel the rest of our trip and stay at the starfish house the whole time. It was amazing, watching her float around the foster home, finding ways to help and really working like crazy the whole time we were there. She spent the majority of her time in the isolation room, which is where the new babies stay until Amanda feels they are ready to join the rest of the munchkins. This is not necessarily the easiest place to be (even though we would all love to hold sweet tiny babies all day) because some of the babies require a little more care, some of the babies (cough, cough...Luke...) are harder to get food down and some the babies are more likely to spit up all of their food back on you. Outside the isolation room, time is easily spent playing with the toddlers of the starfish house who are anxious to have some one on one time with anyone who walks by. Inside the isolation room, the time flies by as you get one baby asleep only to have another one (or three) crying or needing a diaper change. Think octuplets with special needs. :) Oh, how quickly you become attached to those sweet little babies!

A couple of weeks before we arrived, Amanda had received a couple batches of babies, making the isolation room nice and full. Over the next week or so I thought I would tell a little about each of the isolation room babies as those are the ones we spent the most time with. I'll start tomorrow with one of my favorites, Coco....for reals this time.

It didn't take Rachel long to decide that she wants to make another trip back to the starfish house. This time, she wants to raise enough money to pay for a few surgeries and her trip. (and, of course, she wants to stay a little longer.) She started off talking about going a few times a year, but I talked her down to a goal of once a year. I think what really fed her passion was seeing the full spectrum of babies, starting with the ones who were coming to the house malnourished and needing care, babies healthy and awaiting their surgeries, babies who had already received their surgeries and the ones who were moving on to their new families. What it really boils down to is that we are both inspired by the amazing things that are going on at the starfish house and the sacrifices that are being made by volunteers all over the world, but especially the sacrifices made by Amanda to make sure that these children get to not only be loved and placed in families, but that they also receive the medical help that they need to get healthy.

China and the whatnot

Well, here we are in China. I have a little (and I mean little) Chris in my lap as I type away. He was brought to the starfish house last week and they aren't quite sure what his story is. He has cleft palette but he also has a lovely little scar. They think the scar is from a mystery surgery that went amiss, leading to his abandonment. He is a tiny guy and didn't gain any weight this last week so I am trying my best to get lots of food in that mini tummy of his. I have a learned more about the comings and goings of the Xi'an-ites but I, in my paranoid little being, am not sure what I can write about while here. All sorts of social issues and of course, I've learned a little more about the orphanages around here. The things I feel more at liberty to talk about? Funny thing, but kids in China love all of the things that kids in America love. Being sung to, being read to, being held and being loved. Surprised? Yeah, not me either. The littles that are newer to Starfish (3 weeks or less) all are in the isolation room where they are extra loved and doted on. We're doing what we love to do: spoiling babies with lots of holding. A particularly interesting case is Coco. She has been here for two weeks and is 2 years old. (and so stinking cute!) When she came, she just laid there, not able to move much at all. She gets daily acupuncture (which she hates) and has since been able to hold her bottle, sit up in a high chair and now she can sit up by herself while playing with toys. Amazing progress for 2 weeks! I can't wait to see some of these babies that we are trying to nourish as they get some chub. We were talking with another volunteer about how quickly we got used to their little cleft lips and other difficulties. These are some wonderful little spirits that inhabit the starfish house and my favorite thing is to see them go from cast offs to treasured children in their adopted homes. How I would love to show their birth moms' pictures of how the babies have exceeded their (the birth moms') expectations. I'll talk more tomorrow about our adventures at the Muslim Market and my close call with a squatty potty.

off to China we go....

Thursday is the big day. Agh! I can't believe it is here. I finally talked to Lilly about us going to help at the Starfish House and...I am not quite sure what I was thinking leaving my babies behind! Until Becky had cancer, I hadn't been away from my girlies for more than 24 hours. Crazy, I tell you!

BUT we have filled up 4 big ole' suitcases of goodies for those stinking adorable babies and we can't wait to love on them. We ended up with 98 sheets, 77 pillow cases, lots of pj's, onesies (Rachel appliqued 50 of them!) and lots of other baby goods. We've had help from a lot of friends, sewing like crazy to brighten the nursery.

I've had a few people that have been a little bewildered with our field trip to China and why we would go so I thought I would try to explain my most recent parenting experiment. (because so much of it really is an experiment, right?) I have been watching Rachel become a teenager with a little bit of dread in consideration of my teenage years and some of the grief I caused my parents. My memories of my teenage experiences include a lot of selfishness and a whole lot of me, me and me. My parents try to tell me that I wasn't "that" bad, but I remember differently.

So my recent hypothesis was that if my kids could see just how differently some people live, just how much some people really suffer...and if they could learn to love them and think about them more than about me, myself and I...they could maybe avoid some of that perma-selfishness. So that was driving point number one and number two was just that I would like to spend some major one on one time with each of the girls when they are 13.

We have spent the last three and a half months sewing like crazy for the Starfish House. I have watched Rachel change from being concerned about the touristy things we will do to only thinking about those babies. She checks their blog regularly, she can recognize most of them by name and knows their circumstance AND she has spent days and days up in her room sewing on her own. She packed her clothes today and told me she only packed clothes that were baby friendly. I had to remind her that we will be doing a week in Korea where I would like a few nice shirts to make an appearance. The best moment was when she decided (without ANY hinting or pushing) to pay for a surgery. When she found out that she could afford to pay for the whole shebang and that she could pay for Elise's surgery (our 4 year old is Elise, too.), she was jumping up and down with the excitement that might be saved for a new ipod at this age. In fact, she could have bought an ipod touch but she chose to help a baby that lives across the world that she has never met. As you can guess, Elise is pretty excited about helping Elise, too. She wants me to bring her just about all of her special belongings for Elise and she has been working like crazy to fill up her jar, too. She's up to $6 and some odd cents. I love seeing how excited Rachel is to help and serve. Autumn has already started planning her trip to India.

crib sheets for the starfish babies

We've been busy like crazy over here, sewing away. In fact, it has been enough now that every time Lilly sees us sewing, she asks if we are making it for the starfish babies. Why yes we are, Lilly! On of their big needs right now are crib sheets. Between their non-standard sized cribs and the low quality of Chinese fabric/elastic, they really need us to make these for them. They have 50 cribs and right now we have 49 sheets cut out. (35 in the final stages of sewing) I would love to be able to bring over enough for them to actually be able to do laundry here and there, which is why I am putting out this plea for help. Any of you lovely folk out there that want to be part of this worthwhile and downright easy project, let me know! And for those of you that have already asked for instructions, here they are:

There are 3 sizes of cribs, so the amount of fabric will vary from 1 1/2 to 2 yards of fabric per sheet. PLEASE prewash your fabric as we don't want these shrinking once they go through the wash.

Supplies:

1/4" elastic (93", 100", 110")

fabric: flannel or cotton (to simplify their massive nursery, we're asking for solid blue, red, yellow and lime green. if you want a pattern, stick to the ones at Joann's with white dots on them)

*for the fabric, you will need a piece 54, 61 or 65 inches long. This is the size you want it to be after washing, so I always add a few inches when I am getting it cut. I know that 3.25 yds will make me a small and medium sheet. 5.10 yds will make you one of each size.

•And here comes the hard part. (just kidding...it is super easy.) You cut your fabric to the right length (54, 61, 65) and width (37, 37, 41) to make a big rectangle. Then you cut a 6" square template and fold your rectangle in quarters. (half, then half again) Make sure all of the corners and sides match up before pinning your template on the outside corner and cutting out the corner.

•Now you go to a corner and take both 6" cut edges and serge them together, right sides together. (if you don't have a serger, reinforce with a zigzag stitch.) You're almost done now. :)

•Move on over to the ironing board and you will iron your casing. You start by ironing down 1/4 in hem all around the sheet. Then you fold it over again (1/2 inch this time), ironing it down as you go.

• sew down your casing (I move my needle to the far left for this so I can sew pretty close to the inside edge) and sew all the way around, leaving a 2-3 inch gap for the elastic.

•clip a safety pin on the elastic and put it through the casing, sewing both ends together when you are done.

• sew the casing shut

•fold it. (this is the hardest part, by far. Really, just throw it in an envelope. We're going to make my rather particular husband fold them all.)

thank you, thank you, thank you for helping the starfish house out. I just love what is being done over there. Have you read Silent Tears? Good read. And if you really aren't feeling the sewing thing, we would love to bring over any other goodies you want to share with all of those sweet little babies. We are saving 3 suitcases for them and trying to make it 4.

what we've been up to over here....

Yes, I am back. At least for tonight, right? So we've been up to the same ole, same ole at the Kang house. You know: homeschooling, sleeping, cleaning up lots of poop (no, I am not a fan of being forced to potty train.)...the norm.

But Rachel and I have been planning a little something that is kind of taking over. We've decided to go on a little (just kidding...it is VERY big.) adventure this spring and are busy planning away. This started out as a trip to somewhere in this big planet of ours to do some humanitarian service, but it has evolved into a trip to China to help in this wonderful orphanage for 8 days, a quick jaunt over to the Great Wall/the Forbidden City and then a week in Korea. (Because, apparently, we aren't allowed to get that close to Korea without visiting my husband's motherland, as he likes to call it.) We're pretty excited, in an extreme understatement sort of way. We have the plane tickets bought, the hanok reserved in Korea, and some cute luggage purchased. Beyond that, we kind of have a lot more to do.

So...a little about the Starfish House. What an incredible place! St. Amanda, as I like to call her, receives babies from orphanages that need extra medical care. A lot of the time, these babies are malnourished and need her to get them back to normal. After this, she arranged surgeries and what not to get these babies ready for adoption. Many of them have cleft lip or cleft palate, others have heart problems...one who was recently adopted had a birth mark on her face. She started with 5 babies, but currently has 45. I, for one, can't wait to go over there and love those littles to death. I've been trying to convince Chris to let me keep one (Please, mommy, can I keep one?) but he isn't convinced yet.